Someday, I will die. It's just not my time yet.

I am in this class called Psychology of Death and Dying and we were assigned to write our own obituary on how we expect to die and when.  This is what I wrote.

                There are many ways to die, and there are many ways to live.  Most people spend their life wondering how they are going to die and being afraid of it.  I on the other hand have thought about it a lot. I know that I could die tomorrow or of old age when I am 93, yet the thought of what comes after is the thing that frightens me most.  When I think about death, I think about the end, there is nothing to look forward too after death in my mind.  My family and friends that have died before me I always say that they are watching over me in heaven and I will be reunited with them one day, but that is just what I hope for, not necessarily what I believe. 

                I have always said that I am going to die young.  Think of all the young people that have died through tragedy, disease, or suicide.  Those people are remembered for a long time, have the highest attendance at their funeral and seem to affect a wider range of people.  I always see organizations that are made in memory of a young sole that has passed on and people want to remember them and help others through them and their name.  You don’t see many people that die of old age with memorabilia’s like that. The thing I want most after I die is to be remembered, to be loved, and to have had a positive effect on this crazy world.

                Ever since I was younger I have had a knack for being a little bit on the dangerous side.  Climbing a little too high, swimming a little too far, riding a little too fast have been my strengths.  Through all the crazy things I have done, somehow I have made it to this day.  I would never attempt to take my own life, although through hard times it may have crossed my mind, but I know that when I am meant to die, I will.  I have always expected to die in a tragic motor-vehicle accident, drowning (I’ve had few close calls), or just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I have seen and heard of so many tragedies that I wonder how I was so lucky not to be a part of one.  Although I have always thought I would die young, yes, I am still young, but I am also still very much alive.

                Over the years I have changed my mind about how I think I am going to die.  I feel like there is so much I have yet to experience and I don’t want to miss out on those beautiful experiences.  I want to raise a family to carry on my genes and for them to remember me.  I want to be a role model and be someone the people look up too and respect.  I want to see my children grow up and start their own families and be there for my grandchildren where my grandparents weren’t there for much of my life.  In my family, we don’t seem to live to a very old age, and maybe that is where I got my mind frame from.  My grandfathers were both passed before I was born, my grandmothers were passed when I turned 11, and my father when I was 17.

                My father was diagnosed with ALS when I was only 2 years old, and was only expected to live 6 months.  By some miracle, he fought for 16 years before he was finally too weak to fight anymore.  I grew up wondering if he was going to still be there when I got home from school.  There have been many times where one of my sisters have come and gotten me in the middle of the school day to rush me to the hospital because he wasn’t doing okay.  Death has been consuming my mind from a very young age, and once I stopped having to worry about my father’s, I started worrying about my own. 

                I do expect to die, I just don’t know when.  I don’t know when I would rather die, or when I expect to be gone but what I do know that when it happens, I hope that the people I love most will take my death and turn it into a positive thing, if there is even such a way.  When I do die, I hope it is doing something I love, or with the people I love, because I believe that is the best way to go no matter what age you are.  I don’t want to spend my life thinking of what the best way to die would be though, I would like to spend it living the best way I can and enjoying the short time we all have on earth.  I don’t know what comes next, and whatever it is; I don’t want it to be easy. I like a challenge and I like not having everything at my fingertips.  Life on earth isn’t always as great as we would like, but without struggle there would be no passion.